Autumn's Monologue
by evergrnterrace
Summary: [RukiaByakuya] A 2 part songfic. Music and characters do not belong to me. Spoilers to the Soul Society Arc if you REALLY squint.
1. Chapter 1

Songfic

Companion Fic Part 1/2

No warnings.  
Characters belong to Kubo Tite, not me.  
Song is 'Autumn's Monologue' by From Autumn to Ashes  
The two songs used are companion songs in themselves..  
I strongly advise you to d/l or buy/borrow and listen to it..  
Preferably before, during or after the reading of this fic...

* * *

**Autumn's Monologue Part 1**

_Oh, why can't I be what you need._

_A new, improved version of me_

_But I'm nothing so good, no I'm nothing_

_Just bones, a lonely ghost burning down songs_

_Of violence of love and of sorrow_

_I'd beg for just one more tomorrow_

_where you hold me down, fold me in_

_deep, deep, deep in the heart of your sins_

I had never known how to be anyone but Rukia, but you showed me a whole other side to myself, one I hadn't even known had existed. You taught me self worth, you showed me how to present it. You taught me so many things, about people, about myself, about love. I know you didn't mean to, I know this doesn't follow your plans. I know you don't have any idea. How could you? You have closed yourself up so tight, no one can see; you can't see anyone.

Even with all of your teachings, all of your attemtps, I can never be enough. I will never be worthy of you, I can't earn your love. I have tried all that I know;no, that is a lie. I can't; I have tried to tell you, to show you. But I already know what you will say. I know how you feel, how you will react. I know all of these things, all of the what if's that will never come to pass. I cannot compete with a ghost.

_I break in two over you, oh_

_I break in two and each piece of me dies_

_And only you can give the breath of life_

_But you don't see me you don't_

I will never forgive myself. I have shamed myself, the Kuchiki name. I have shamed you. It doesn't matter if my reasons were pure, they were. It doesn't matter if I was trying to replace you, I was. It doesn't matter that he is everything that you are not. It doesn't matter that all of these things are true and I still couldn't forget you. I can't hate you, I can't feel anything bad towards you… Brother. So I shall stay here, in my cell, and await my sentence. I have brought this on myself with my selfishness, my futile attempts to become impassive or to redirect these horrible, beautiful feelings. I will accept whatever punishment they bestow upon me, for your honor. I will not ask for help, the request would be ignored anyhow.

_And the shock beats the red from my face,_

_When I hear someone's taken my place_

_How could love be so thoughtless so cruel_

_When all, all that I did was for you_

But, I guess it couldn't be helped. I have bred a new personality, changed my entire lifestyle, changed my heart. I knew it wouldn't be enough, but this makes it worse. You are so cold, I had always hoped that there was more to it, more to you. Yet you grow even more cruel as each night passes. Is this what my sister felt? This hopeless, lonely, terrifying, slow death? Just waiting for the end, for the pain to stop? I hope not, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

_I break in two over you, over you_

_I break in two, I would break in two for you._

_Now you see me, now you don't_

_Now you need me, now you don't_

What more could I give you? You have my heart, my soul, my entire existance. You have me and you don't even know it, you don't even care. I will never forgive you for acting like I mattered, for making me feel important, like I meant something. It was all a sick joke, a plot of some kind. You made me need you, made me love you. And now you aren't even here to say good-bye.

* * *

**A/N:**

Hope you like it.. It isn't one of my best and is actually my first song-fic... Enjoy!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Songfic

Companion Fic part 2/2

No warnings.  
Characters belong to Kubo Tite, not me.  
Song is 'The Fiction We Live' by From Autumn to Ashes  
The two songs used are companion songs in themselves..  
I strongly advise you to d/l or buy/borrow and listen to them..  
Preferably before, during or after the reading of these fics...

* * *

**Autumn's Monologue Part 2**

_You might be just what I need_

_And no I would not change a thing_

_I've been dreaming of this so long_

_But we only exist in this song_

I want to save you, but I cannot; as strong as you think I am, as powerful… If I don't follow the rules… If I… I just don't know. I don't know how to fix this. Everything has just gotten so out of hand. I'm sorry I cannot save you.

_The thing is I'm not worth the sorrow_

_And if you come and meet me tomorrow_

_I will hold you down, fold you in_

_Deep, Deep, deep in the fiction we live_

Why would you throw your entire life away? I can never forgive you. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you.

_I break in two over you_

_I break in two, and if a piece of you dies_

_Autumn I will bring you back to life,_

_Of course, I see you, I do_

I cannot let you leave this way. I will not let you die because of me. I will save you. I will protect you.

I still love you.

I'm sorry, I need you.

* * *

**A/N**

I know Byakuya's side is short, but he isn't really a big talker(unless he is talking to Ichigo,  
in which case the dude rambles on about honor and such...) He gets his point across quickly...

So, yeah... I know you won't be pleased, but it does work quite well...


End file.
